I asked at the perfume counter for a recommendation for ‘green’ perfumes. The assistant asked if I meant green in colour! She said she had never heard of perfume described as ‘green’. I told her it was a classic description of a scent like floral or mossy. She said no, they didn’t have anything like that and treated me to a look that said ‘pathetic old nutter’. I could forgive that, partly because she was French but what I couldn’t forgive was the good old moany gossip she had with her mates as I walked away. I went to John Lewis and had a good old laugh with the assistant there and happily gave them my £100 instead. Boots: train your perfumery staff in, er, well, perfume, and not to be rude to customers.