Someone forged my signature on a non-delivery. I complained to Hermes via Resolver and got nowhere! BUT! Here are the stock phrases Hermes will use to fob you off and the number of times each phrase was repeated over ONE complaint. Enjoy: HERMES AND THEIR BOOK OF EXCUSES. These are the trite stock phrases that Hermes uses to fob off complaints without bothering to respond to the original issues. All these phrases were used verbatim to evade answering ONE complaint: the number of times they were used is given at the end of each phrase. "If I were in your shoes, I think I would feel the same. I agree that this is not a good one for us. I assure you that we will definitely try to improve our services as we do not want to disappoint loyal customers like you." 10 "As you are the recipient of this parcel and not the sender I ma (SIC) unable to assist you further." 3 "I apologise on behalf of Hermes for the inconvenience this has caused." 17 "We accept that this is not the outcome you were hoping for, however, we do offer cover to assist in this situation and we will happily support you through the process of making a claim." 5 "We are sorry that despite an extensive investigation, we have not been able locate your parcel as it was lost in transit." 19 "I understand that you are not happy with this situation." 10 "Firstly, may I take this opportunity to sincerely apologise for the frustrations and inconvenience you have been caused throughout this issue and for the delay in response." 15 "As we are not doing this intentionally we would love to help you regarding your situation but unable to help you as the parcel was booked through the retailer. Kindly get in touch with the retailer for further assistance". 5 "We usually provide a better service than this. At times, we do fall short to serve our customers. We try constantly to improve our grounds and make sure that such incident does not happen in future." 12 "As I can see sender has been already in touch with us.And claim form has been sent to sender." 15 "I can understand you have faced unnecessary hassle with this parcel delivery; however I can assure that this is not a regular practice at Hermes and we are determined to deliver the best service every time to our valuable customers. If I were in your shoes, I think I would feel the same." 14 "As the parcel is booked through them, I request you to contact them for further assistance." 5 "Do not hesitate to contact us if you required any further assistance." 4 "I would like to inform you that your sender has already contacted us and we have already provide him the relevant Claims Form on [DATE]." 4