I’m not normally one to escalate an issue, but it’s got to the point where I’ve been forced to have a good old whinge about this dinosaur of a bank. I’ve had some dreadful, dreadful customer service with Santander over the last ten years (aside from other gripes, including terrible customer interface, endless wait times and convoluted, pre-digital processes), but the last few weeks have really been appalling. A fraud attempt was made on my account for £200 three weeks ago. Nothing out of the ordinary - online fraud happens from time to time. Accordingly, my card was blocked and a new card was ordered. After nine days without the card arriving, I phoned up to see what was going on. After 45 minutes on the phone (including at least three or four “can I put you on hold while I speak to the manager?”), the customer service assistant ascertained that my bank card had been sent to the wrong address. The address was one I’d never heard of somewhere in central London. Consequently, I was blocked out of my online banking. Going into a branch with ID to withdraw cash was the only way I could access money, so the following day I went into a branch on my lunch break to figure out what the hell was going on and to get some money. Although the chap who served me was pleasant and patient, I had to wait just over an hour. During this time, I was made to speak to someone on Bradford on three separate occasions (including being put on hold twice), and it became apparent that the investigation into why my address had been changed was clearly ad hoc. First of all, they thought that the cashier who served me in another branch the previous week (when I was inquiring about the initial fraud attempt). When they realised it wasn’t him, they thought it might’ve been the guy I spoke to over the phone. When they realised it wasn’t the other guy, I was told it was probably more fraud, mate. I was finally able to get some cash out but still didn’t have an answer or access to my account. (Another thing: there’s no transparency at all. Nothing. At least two operators told me they’d “put my notes on file” for other staff to see, but I still had to explain the long, drawn-out situation to each member of staff. Do they even have a CRM system?) But anyway, I was told that while the investigation into the change of address was ongoing, I’d have to continue going into a branch to make all my transactions. In the meantime, they would send me new login details via post. My online banking was blocked, and I wasn’t even allowed to make transfers over the telephone (oh, I tried). I naively assumed the issue had been settled, and that my new card and new online banking details would arrive safely in the post, but this is Santander, after all. No online banking details have arrived, meaning it’s been a full week without any access to or visibility of my account. And to rub salt in the wounds further, the bank has sent me TWO NEW CARDS (caps to signify pure rage and that). At this point, I can’t be bothered to figure out which one has been activated. Knowing Santander, they’ll probably cancel each other out and neither will work. Throughout this process, I’ve had no official apology. The whole thing took around 5 hours when it literally could’ve taken 20 minutes. I’ve had better customer service from Avoid this bank at all costs. They’ve spunked millions on a terrible Ant and Dec advert while maintaining Stone-Age people processes that clearly frustrate staff and anger customers. I would demand an apology and some sort of explanation, but instead, I shall be switching to another bank at the earliest opportunity.