T he classic tale of the phantom "professional" ghostwriting and self-publishing troupe – you know, the kind that haunts your every expectation with their ghastly performance. Let me spin you a yarn about these apparitions of incompetence: Once upon a time, in the mystical world of modern-day authorship, I embarked on a journey with a company that claimed to be the Gandalf of ghostwriting and the Merlin of publishing. Expecting a fellowship of literary wizards, I instead found myself in the company of ghouls more suited to a Halloween prank than a professional service. Their specialty? The vanishing act – especially when it came to punctuality. Deadlines passed like comets, rarely seen and never to return. And oh, the promises – they were as inflated as a politician's ego during campaign season, and just as likely to disappoint. The level of their skill was an art in itself – the art of butchery. They took to my manuscript with the finesse of a chainsaw sculpting butter. Not a word was left unscathed, every sentence deformed into grotesque shapes that no Grammarly could fix. And proofreading? A mythical concept for these folks, akin to a unicorn or a calorie-free cheesecake. It seemed they outsourced it to the phantoms who were also notoriously known for their terrible spelling. Even my name fell victim to their curse – butchered beyond recognition. Republishing took eons, three months to be exact, stretching longer than a Monday morning at work. As for their character – let's just say, if they were in a movie, they'd be the villains who forgot their lines. Their reviews must have been penned by the same specters that wrote their services – ghostly apparitions with a knack for fiction. So heed my warning, dear reader, for these purveyors of publishing are nothing but a façade, their services as hollow as a jack-o'-lantern. May karma be the ghostbuster that brings their shenanigans to light. If you value your literary creations, steer clear of this spectral circus, unless you're in the mood for a trick rather than a treat.